Worries and Uncertainty – Applied Imagination Journey

Covid:

Starting off this avenue of research, the challenges seemed quite clear – I was venturing into a space of health which at the moment is the focus on major worldly crisis.

With this in mind I decided to still go ahead and find an adaptable way of applying my research into something that is both tangible but accessible in a time were contact with healthcare is currently and legally unaccessible.

Most of my planned interventions was to do a photoshoot with a few cancer patients along with their carers to understand their own experience better, we had scheduled to meet the 6th of July of 2021. However, due to fears of catching covid, the shoot was cancelled.

Currently, Spain has been experiencing a surge in cases and the emergency rooms are being filled again. At the point of the photoshoot appointment I still not had gotten my first vaccine because vaccines in Catalonia had run out. I only have just recently gotten my first vaccine; it seems that until I don’t get my second dose many of the people I have gotten in touch with won’t accept meeting for a shoot.

Culture:

Here’s one of my biggest challenges, aside from covid, it’s cultural. For the past four years most of my research, art work and technique has been developed in the UK. My focus has always been there and in fact, it was the reason I moved to study there because of a simple reason: culture and understanding.

In Spain, I have struggled to take things forward, culturally there is a lot of stigma around mental health, the arts and research. All of those are low funded and most times, politicians don’t wish to acknowledge the alarming importance of these fields. When I had reached out to people here for opinions and testing regarding other projects, people have been slow to reply, oftentimes asking to have a phone call though because of auditory issues – I always need to see responses written down (it helps me process information better and also understand it). This is something that in UK, I can express openly as neurodiversity is widely accepted and they’ll take the right measures to make sure that their response is accessible. Meanwhile, here, professionals seem to have a hard time understanding.

I have also struggled in terms of geographic thinking – while I think of the development of my project, I am aware that from September to December I will be in UK, and therefore- it would make sense to base my project there, not just because time-frame I need to be somewhere that is where I am but also, because professionally speaking and in terms of research, there are more efficient responses, involvement and understanding. I do not consider this a “hard” obstacle, but a realistic observation that based on time-frame, it’d make more sense to test interventions somewhere where they can be truly tested and analysed rather than somewhere where that process is still far from comprehended and is delayed in most occasions.

Conclusion of challenges:

Moving on, and based on my tutorial, I am going to create a geographic-less intervention in which I analyse stories and comments I have received from carers of cancer patients who are willing to participate in this storytelling project and construct it in a universal layout. The idea is that we understanding that the feelings of being a carer are mostly shared no matter where you’re from (or at least, we will analyse or observe if these are similar in any way) regardless of culture, race or gender. It will then be useful to categorise opinions too. The concept is to raise awareness that carers, mostly family members and friends, are part of a tough journey as well, and that recognition, mutual support and knowing that one is not alone feel like crucial themes to raise awareness on.

After my tutorial on the 24th of May, several interesting questions arose. Some which I had already thought about and many that I yet haven’t come across. Listening to my tutor’s perspective on my project helped me gain new insight into what I was doing, and together we shared a discussion about the possibilities and directions in which this project can go.

What is my infrastructure? What will my interventions be? Who will I focus on? What are my categories and what will be my role in my own project? What are my intentions with this project and research? What to do when doubt kicks in? Where do I focus my research? What am I trying to achieve?

*Myself, The Sun* is a visual representation of myself and what I radiate – I created it as a way to understand the elements that surround me all the time and to remember to explore throughout my project

We also discussed the issue with self-doubt and blockage; usually a constant in research and creative practises. For example, what happens when you start doubting your research question? what are the key elements to keep in mind when insecurities start creeping in? and then from my discussion with my tutor he mentioned something extremely relevant (in regards to impostor syndrome and insecurities):

“There is always a reason to add; to have something else”.
David Mills

The above resonated with me because as an early-stage researcher, it is incredibly easy to start questioning your authority and agency in leading research from cross-disciplinary field, it is easy to start questioning your own experience and allow fear of the ordinary to creep in. Now, what I mean with fear of the ordinary is that we, through our research, do not end up accomplishing anything extraordinary – that it does not end up going anywhere nor contributing to a cause. That in itself is scary. It’s a conflicting feeling between auto-dissapointment and disappointing others.

For this discussion, I developed a visual map of my skills, fears, passions and interest to keep in mind throughout my research. Tools to look back and compare but also to move forward and identify where the my weaknesses and strengths and how to potentiate them.

Another visual representing my cycle of doubt for my own analysis and understanding

Visual representing summary of goal of research

My next steps are to identify what will my infrastructure be; at the moment due to covid doing on-site hospital experiences feels a bit out of reach, however building a strong relationship with hospitals will be able to provide that bridge for later on. Currently, the key is to focus on understanding what do patients need, what do hospitals need and what doctors see as the important aspects of improvement of quality of life. I then need to decide whether to focus on hospitalised patients, patients that have a long term treatment (are constantly going to the hospital) but are not hospitalised, and or paediatric patients (complete different audience from adults needs).

When thinking of infrastructure, it was discussed that a media platform could be a solid starting point if we were to understand the content that would be showed. I then need to decide and clarify whether I’d want to focus on patient-centred hospital media, yet this still feels individualised, or focus on a more community-experience-centred approach.

My next steps are to organise direct data collection systems and interviews with different doctors to understand the needs; once I understand the ethical procedures of data, I’d focus on gathering the direct data from patients.

As an overall summary, the next steps is to gather direct information (primary research data) from an established hospital institutions and its primary figures as well as formulate a clear intervention plan to move forward. Also, focus on what direction will this research project go and how will I use it as a foundation of the direction I’d like to go.

Category: Worries and Uncertainty

Challenges

Introspection and Worries